"It really depends on the person. That colleague clearly has an inappropriate way of communicating (bragging) and so if you confront them about it they might most likely have an inappropriate reaction back. I’d go more subtle first, and if that doesn’t work, I’d confront them.
To deal with them effectively, you want to understand what’s happening behind the curtains.
What happens is that this colleague lacks a sense of significance, lacks approval. He/she most likely didn’t have attention while growing up.
So, the sequence is this. First, they didn’t get attention, and every minute spent without the needed attention from parents/guardians reinforces the belief for them that “I am not worthy by myself, I am nothing.” (The child doesn’t have yet the capability to process the fact that, for example, if parents don’t give positive attention to their child, that might happen simply because THEY, parents, are traumatized themselves, not because the “child is bad” … but the child sees it like this: “if parents don’t give me attention and love = I don’t deserve attention, I’m not worthy, I’m not enough”). Do it enough times to a child and now our little friend develops a deep, toxic belief. And so, in order to eliminate this toxic belief, the child can do many things: brag, yell, cry, dominate others or excessively self-sacrifice, or lie in order to get approval and some sense of significance … whatever is “acceptable” in their family will continue to be normalized and will continue in their adult life.
What happened is that your colleague got away with bragging in their family, and now he/she expects you to see it as “normal” as well.
What you want to do is stop supplying them. Yes, that’s right!
There’s a reason that you said you’re tired - they are literally sucking your energy! That’s why they feel better and you feel worse. Emotional vampires (most likely unconscious vampires). That’s one of their tactics. However, if the person is bragging, that doesn’t always make them an “evil” person (just an emotional, unconscious vampire). Well, evil or not, you still deserve better!
Supplying them with what? With approval and sense of significance.
So, the antidote is to stop giving them this approval or significance.
How?
(1) When that person is bragging again, you can ignore all the hype with your straight, neutral face, and just say “okay.” That is definitely not the answer they expect. Repeat it enough times and they won’t find it interesting to brag to you anymore.
(2) Try to limit your contact with that person as much as you can. Why? You get what you tolerate. If you tolerate their bragging = you tolerate them sucking your energy. That’s why limiting contact with that person is important.
(3) Remind yourself of the ultimate, big picture: all they want is non-stop approval, to get significance. That insight alone will make it hard for you to keep tolerating them. Just repeat this enough in your mind, so that you are prepared in their presence.
You can just say 1–2 keywords in your head. So, the next time they brag, you can say to yourself “approval, significance.”
That way you will remember what are the “rules of the game” and when you remind yourself that this is a game - it makes you question whether you want to play it in the first place.
Additionally, you can ask yourself “do I want to give them this approval/significance AT MY EXPENSE?” and “is it really worth it?”
So, 1–2 keywords and a question or a couple of questions. You can learn them by heart and then use it whenever you need to, by repeating it 20–30 times. Learning it shouldn’t take more than 5–10 minutes, but it will definitely pay off in the future!
I hope this was helpful! :)
Good luck!"
